The more you want people to like you or be your friend, the harder it gets. Everything becomes personal. And your desperation for connection and acceptance gets plastered across your face and hinges into every conversation; just leaning in - hoping not to be too obvious, but longing to be noticed.
The thing is, people don't know how awesome people like us are. We're not loud and chatty upfront. We are reserved and take our time observing you, before we decide if it's a safe zone. Safe as in, wanted and patient and open to listen and really see. Or is it a temporary friendly zone, with a lot of distance in between, not genuinely welcoming but, you know - polite. I guess you can say, does this person think their life is already too full without you? Do they not really see past your first door? Are you not cool enough to be invited? Are they too lazy or too busy to stay a while and probe? Are they interested or are they the over-lookers? Over-lookers; those who are drawn to the louder, chattier ones. The obviously secure, independent, confident, don't need anybody ones. The so called "born leaders" in the worldly sense. People like that don't always see people like us. But people like us, we're the real deal. We really see you because we take the time, we observe. We can be loud, we can be chatty, we're often funnier than most people will ever know, we're independent, we might even be more secure. But we're overlooked. We are overlooked because we aren't afraid to show weakness, we don't necessarily feel the need to keep it all together, we are strong enough to wait for people to see past the outer layer. The world might tell us that we need to be different, that we're not the popular kind, or charismatic, that we're boring to be around. Some of us are introverts, some of us are equal parts introvert/extrovert. Our whole lives, we will battle with feeling like we're unwanted and unliked. But we are the strong ones. We aren't afraid to show fear. We are the real deal. We are awesome.
Around extroverts, I'm an introvert. Around introverts, I'm an extrovert. I'm inconsistent to any particular kind. I'm not one way and not the other way. I'm both. Like a chameleon. I'm definitely still insecure, because I know how much another person can affect my presence. But I'm really good at making someone else feel grounded, feel like they belong, feel welcome. I light up around people that need me, around quiet and shy people, around sad people, around people that feel like an outsider. I shut down around people that talk a lot, or interrupt a lot, or never seem to not know something, or never ask questions, or always make me feel rushed. The thing is, we're all insecure - on both sides of the spectrum. Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert or an introvert and an extrovert, we all have to deal with insecurities and things we don't like about ourselves.
Strength doesn't look like this - I'm never not ok, I'm always put together, I always know what to say, I have no reason to laugh at myself because I never make mistakes, I'm too busy to talk.
Weakness doesn't look like this - I cry when I'm put on the spot, I speak softly, I'm shy, I'm quiet, I never know what to say, I feel out of place, I'm nervous and it shows, I hate small group discussions.
Strength is being comfortable in making mistakes and looking a bit unkept. Strength is laughing at the stupid things I said and getting over it. Strength is looking silly if it means helping someone else look good. Strength is telling someone that I'm not ok. Strength is admitting when I'm wrong or when I don't know something. Strength is listening to someone else tell me something I already knew, as if it's the first time I've ever heard it, because it's their turn.
People need to be heard and people need to feel like they have something to say. The only way for this to occur, is to allow room for people to let go a little and express themselves without someone saying, "oh yeah I know" or "actually thats not true" or "Hmm, I don't know about that" or "oh yeah the same thing happened to me..." every single time we open our mouths. Don't be a person like that. Be a person that creates space. Don't be a person that suffocates and shuts down the atmosphere. Don't make every conversation a competition. When you interrupt, when you 'already know' and they know that you know, when you look away while they're talking, when you roll your eyes, when you rush them by saying "yeah" a millions times... it pushes introverts away, back into their shells. It doesn't encourage someone to get out into the sunshine and expand their horizons. It reiterates what they've already been telling themselves, "People don't care what I have to say, no one is listening anyway." Prove them wrong and the world will be a different place.
Because people like us have a lot to say.
Around extroverts, I'm an introvert. Around introverts, I'm an extrovert. I'm inconsistent to any particular kind. I'm not one way and not the other way. I'm both. Like a chameleon. I'm definitely still insecure, because I know how much another person can affect my presence. But I'm really good at making someone else feel grounded, feel like they belong, feel welcome. I light up around people that need me, around quiet and shy people, around sad people, around people that feel like an outsider. I shut down around people that talk a lot, or interrupt a lot, or never seem to not know something, or never ask questions, or always make me feel rushed. The thing is, we're all insecure - on both sides of the spectrum. Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert or an introvert and an extrovert, we all have to deal with insecurities and things we don't like about ourselves.
Strength doesn't look like this - I'm never not ok, I'm always put together, I always know what to say, I have no reason to laugh at myself because I never make mistakes, I'm too busy to talk.
Weakness doesn't look like this - I cry when I'm put on the spot, I speak softly, I'm shy, I'm quiet, I never know what to say, I feel out of place, I'm nervous and it shows, I hate small group discussions.
Strength is being comfortable in making mistakes and looking a bit unkept. Strength is laughing at the stupid things I said and getting over it. Strength is looking silly if it means helping someone else look good. Strength is telling someone that I'm not ok. Strength is admitting when I'm wrong or when I don't know something. Strength is listening to someone else tell me something I already knew, as if it's the first time I've ever heard it, because it's their turn.
People need to be heard and people need to feel like they have something to say. The only way for this to occur, is to allow room for people to let go a little and express themselves without someone saying, "oh yeah I know" or "actually thats not true" or "Hmm, I don't know about that" or "oh yeah the same thing happened to me..." every single time we open our mouths. Don't be a person like that. Be a person that creates space. Don't be a person that suffocates and shuts down the atmosphere. Don't make every conversation a competition. When you interrupt, when you 'already know' and they know that you know, when you look away while they're talking, when you roll your eyes, when you rush them by saying "yeah" a millions times... it pushes introverts away, back into their shells. It doesn't encourage someone to get out into the sunshine and expand their horizons. It reiterates what they've already been telling themselves, "People don't care what I have to say, no one is listening anyway." Prove them wrong and the world will be a different place.
Because people like us have a lot to say.
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