Guilt Spilt

For someone who has been eternally freed, but still hides behind a darkened door.

For someone who has been completely pardoned and made whole, but still feels crushed by the weight of their old world. 

Guilt has a way of keeping you from all that can be good in your life. 

Guilt is a mind-trap.

So powerful, in fact, that it can make you feel physically paralysed. 

Guilt will make you live condemned. 

Like a total failure. In constant regret. 

Giving up, before you've begun. 

Guilt will never encourage you to keep going strong. 

It'll never cheer you on, "You can do it! I believe in you!"

And it will never ever suggest that you're doing better than you once were.

But the voice of Truth will say, "Tomorrow is a new day. You can trust again. Just look up once more, to the One who loves you so. Never give up today. Hope is here to stay. Just step a little closer, Love will guide your way..."

Stay

You tiresomely, and finally, surrender...

Ok, I need Jesus.

I need Him back in my life. 

I just need You, Jesus.

But Jesus, never left.

The only way to lose, is to walk away.

Just give up and walk away.

If it's so easy, then why did I stay?

I've let people get in the way.

I let human relationships, or the lack there of, precede my relationship with Jesus.

Needing the right people in my life became more important than needing Jesus first.

"My life" became more important than Him.

But Jesus, never leaves.

The Rescuer always remains, He always chooses this way. But I've given up on more than I dare to relay. I think I gave up a little bit everyday. So why did He stay, when He knew my old ways?

I had forgotten the truth, when the Truth never strayed. I had given up on love, when Love was still on display. It seemed easier to desert, when Emmanuel felt so far away. Out of reach, left without talent or sense of peace. "I have no One Thing" I'd religiously repeat. So I believed my internal gossip that my place is not around here. 

It's hard to be honest about your lost faith, when you're completely surrounded by good people so full of it. How do you save face? It's not easy to admit that you've buried your dreams and threw out the keys to your locked away goals.

You think the only way to escape, is to keep yourself alone.

But then I'm left with just me and she's not making any sound words. 

When, one day, you suddenly realise, 

You're actually not on your own. 

You never are.

You never were. 

You never need be.

Because Jesus, will not go. 

"You unravel me, with a melody

You surround me with a song

Of deliverance, from my enemies

Till all my fears are gone

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

From my mothers womb

You have chosen me

Love has called my name

I've been born again, into your family

Your blood flows through my veins

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

I am surrounded

By the arms of the father

I am surrounded

By songs of deliverance

We've been liberated

From our bondage

We're the sons and the daughters

Let us sing our freedom"

(No Longer Slaves - Bethel Music)

Utmost Earnestness

I am constantly plagued by the passing of time.

The nearing of the end.

The ticking away of hours turning into years.

Mostly washed away, never taken back.

The closer I get to thirty,

the farther I feel to have missed my place.

Thirty used to feel so far out of reach.

Way up high, an aspiring age to build towards.

And once I'd get there, I imagined to have something worthwhile to show.

Surely, I wouldn't still be where I have always been.

Or so I dreamily thought...

Yet here we are, a mere few months away from the big ol' dirty thirties. 

Oh, time must have played a trick on me!

I always thought to have more secret minutes, kept hidden safely up my sleeve.

Treasured, well protected, never spent superfluously.

I sense this will be one of those sweet lessons to learn. One that can only be shared, as a wiser old woman, some day. 

But I already know, that many won't even hear past the grey.

They'll just smile in respect,

and stop by for a warm embrace.

Don't you know, everyone needs the freedom to live their life full of wonderful mistakes.

And most importantly of all, everyone needs to know, that time's end is not somewhere far off in space.

So wrap the time you have left in tiny boxes and some lace,

and whisk it off to people, who deserve to have a taste,

of what its like to be seen, and to be heard, and to be known. 

Let's spend the precious time we have, on people near and far. For they are the only true investment that will reach beyond the stars. 

Use time by way of really getting to know people; always valueing and helping out. I believe that's when time is at its very best. So don't think of sitting down to share a meal with a loved one, having a coffee with an acquaintance, or stopping for a moment to share time with a stranger, as a break between importance. 

The ones with the beating hearts and the searching souls are of Utmost Earnestness.

Do we think everyone is important? I mean, I know we think some people are definitely more important than others. But do we think that everyone is a little, tiny bit important? If we all really honestly lived like that, I think many things in the world would change. 

Is everyone a little bit important? 

The amount of time we give to people, indicates how much we value their importance. I hope that we have enough courage to give some people, at the very least, a few minutes and others, of course, our whole lives. 

But no one should be left with none at all.