constant state of embrace

Is there a place where we can go,

so we can talk

and when we get there,

will we talk or will we stare

Is there a place without boundaries, without borders

where we are free to express, with no fear of repress 

where questions are welcomed

but doubt is irrelevant,

and truth is told, without hold

Does this place belong to someone

Is it someone that we know

Is it held or is it loose

does it travel, does it move

or do we need to go to where it will choose

Is this place a being, void of reclusion

full of acceptance

found in a constant state of embrace

encompassing all that is true,

within

but how will we know?

"moo"

I once asked someone whose wisdom and opinion I highly regard, to have a look at my blog and give me some honest critique and feedback. I’ve had the faithful few tell me that they love my writing and like every entry I put up, which I so appreciate. I keep telling my husband that his telling me he likes my writing is like my mother telling me she thinks I’m beautiful - because she has to, she’s my mother!  Basically it’s moo; in Joey terms – “like a cow’s opinion, it doesn’t matter...it’s moo!” Of course I don't really mean that his opinion doesn't matter because, truthfully, his opinion is the one I care for the most. My husband's, not Joey's. Seriously though, I'm joking.

But this person whose wisdom and opinion I, still, highly regard came back to me rather disappointed, at least that was my interpretation. In a nutshell I was told that they felt I should be more honest, about myself, share the real me. I mistook this advice and left with a sour taste, feeling as though what I had written thus far was not honest or real, that my voice in writing was mute. So, whose voice was I expressing? I felt like I didn’t know myself and I felt like the one thing I thought I was developing into was failing. Allowing people to read your thoughts, is extremely nerve wrecking. It almost feels like heart surgery, but the emotional kind. Needless to say, this well-meaning advice left me feeling choked and I was unable to write anything remotely honest or real for a long while after. You think you want to hear honest critique, but really you want people to tell you how amazing you're doing and get showered with praise, encouraging you to keep on going just the way you already are. 

Slowly I started to live a little bit more indifferent and then I became a little bit more sad, somewhat consistently.

Indifference is an unnerving thief of our lives.

As a young girl, I had developed this idea that I would one day write a story about my life. I remember sitting in my Dutch grandparents living room one summer, with a pen and paper in hand, thinking of how to start my masterpiece. The reason for this idea was that I had an innate belief that my life, which I had yet to live, would be worth writing about; a story people would want to hear. Yet, as of now, at 29 years of age, much of my life has become an abyss of indifference and time lost. Fear had engulfed the girl who once believed her life was worth telling.  The thing is, though I was loved, I cannot recall being purposefully told that I could do or be anything I put my mind to. I did not live with a sense of acceptance in my uniqueness; I was ashamed of it. I felt like I had failed in life already, no matter what I might try and accomplish. I already felt like a failure. However, I was unaware that this was the case. These are things you only realize when you reflect back many years later, and begin to compare your life to the lives and experiences of others. When you don’t know any different, you don’t know what else to expect.

A couple years later, as I read over this critique from the person whose advice and wisdom I highly regard, I suddenly read it in a new light. The tone in the response was not negative at all, but quite the opposite. All this time, they were trying to encourage me to keep on going but to try and open up even more so. Because deep down people want to feel like they can relate to another’s honesty, that they’re not alone with their thoughts. This person wanted more people to see the value that they had seen inside me. They worded it as “specialness”.

Though I cannot change the turns I’ve already taken, I can begin to look around more before I cross or choose not to cross the street. I want to live a life that will give me stories to tell my grandchildren one day, stories they'll beg to hear over and over again. I hope that my life will encourage them to risk and love a lot in life. That means I need to get moving, even if it’s slow.

I just don’t want to stand still anymore. 

Let's all try and live a little bit more raw...

I hope that was more honest. 

the One who loves most

Freely Be.

I am allowed to be me; in fact I need to be.

The people we often want to be most like are the ones who are completely comfortable in being true to their own.
They own their own.
They take ownership of their truest ‘self’ and thrive when others do the same.

The ones we don’t want to be like, are those who are telling people who or how to be, judging lifestyles and setting up rules to abide by. Those who are not accepting but exclusive.

As Jesus was true to Himself, He was simultaneously being true to God. We can learn so much from His life on earth. What truly matters, how to treat and love people, taking risks and not always following the crowd or conforming to the mold. His life sparked what was within everyone around him, and still does. Anyone who has encountered Jesus can, at the least, agree that something lights up inside you and makes you feel more present and at peace than ever before.

Like many things, these feelings often fade, but He will never blow out the light inside you. His desire is always to see you grow the spark into a constant fire bringing light, warmth and direction to those around you.

Jesus was the perfect example of how to freely be. He said the most confronting things, but people loved Him. Those who heard Him couldn’t get enough, even those who were trying to eliminate Jesus. Whether they agreed with Him or not, people wanted to hear what He had to say. Regardless, He was making an influence everywhere He went.

I wonder how the life of Jesus could help and change our lives? What do we think about Jesus, what could we learn from Him simply by looking at His life and relationships? 

walls

I think loneliness is probably one of the greatest fates of our time. The more "friends or followers" we have, the less actual company we might keep. When did it become so hard to make friends. When did it become such a challenge to simply be a friend. When did people stop being interested in people. All people. When did we stop asking questions? When did we stop digging for truth, for the gold? Everyone has a story, but not everyone is a born storyteller. It's time to make it our mission, my mission, to want to draw out the stories again. To hear the why behind the face. The depth in the eyes. The history in the smile. There's dire need to ask questions. Sometimes a genuine question is the only road towards connecting to another's heart. Sometimes a question is the only way for someone to know you care. It takes initiative and strength to ask. It is time to believe in people again, in the people that are physically in front of us. 

Friendship needs time and investemnt on both ends, it needs joy and encouragement, but sometimes it just needs you to shut up and smile. We should never assume that someone who looks as if they have it all together, always does. We have all put up a front, we all do it all the time. And that's ok, not everyone needs to see your aches and concerns all over your face. But what if there is no one to catch you alone, what if there is no one for you to be weak in front of, what if there is no one you can be real with… ?

The sneakiness of loneliness, 

disguised in quantity time with the presence of people on your iscreen,

being fooled into thinking you are part of the lives of those on social media.

Yet at the end of the day, you find yourself alone with your thoughts but no one to share them with.

Didn't receive any texts today?

Didn't send any either?

Haven't had an email in months?

When the comfort of home has become a self made prison.

When walking out the door on your own causes anxiety.

When riding the bus is a daily challenge.

When you put off meeting up with people you are only acquainted with - but secretly want to be closer to.

When you're losing the faith you once stood up for.

This is when the danger seeps in.

If you don't recognise your self anymore,

and you laugh less but cry more,

ask yourself when you started to give up on people.

On yourself?

You are building your own walls, one brick at a time.

If the company of others has become seldom, 

you are at high risk of burying yourself into the cracks,

never to be seen or heard of again.

I knew this girl once.

I know this boy.

She might be me.

He could be you.

Hello, does this resonate with anyone?

I am personally not the kind of girl, who just talks about my day. I don't fit the cliche that we talk more than men. Are you the kind of person, that talks all about your self even when no one asked, or are you the kind of person who when asked a question, doesn't ask a question back? 

I'll say it again, Everyone has a story but not everyone is a born storyteller. I have a story. You have a story. Let me tell you that showing interest yells "I CARE". You show interest by the simple art of asking questions, with your whole self. Your eye contact, your body language, your listening skills, and your voice. And then, you ask another question that follows the last question. That is how you get to know someone. That is how you can show you care. 

wings

Education encourages a child to believe that they are allowed to dream, explore and choose. 

In countries where daughters are not given this simple yet fundamental right, we end up with nations of girls growing up into women that never rise to their potential and men believing they have the right to shut down even just the spark of a dream in a girl. 

wings of a bird, allow a bird to BE

but what comes of a bird that cannot fly?

what is the purpose, if it has no wings?

a bird without wings, will never know its own ability to explore the heights of the sky

a bird without wings cannot stand against the current of the wind, or feel empowered to ride along with it. 

a bird without wings will never go where the other birds have been,

but a bird without wings, is still a bird.

A girl without an education or the permission to dream is still a girl, but she will never know what could have been or where she could have gone. 

In order to flourish, she needs room to grow.

Malala's father Ziauddin Yousafzai from his TED talk: “Dear brothers and sisters,” he ends, “We learn from her how to be resilient in the most difficult times … Despite being an icon for the rights of children and women, she is like any 16- year-old girl … People ask me what is special about my mentorship that has made Malala so bold and courageous, vocal and poised. I tell them, ‘Don’t ask me what I did. Ask me what I did not do. I did not clip her wings, and that’s all.”