Emmanuel

In the silence, He speaks

Through the silence, He speaks

When our hearts are still and our minds at rest, He speaks and reminds us of His beauty, grace, and strength.

Patience ever lingering, unceasing, waiting for our choices to be Him. 

At times the silence carries more weight and worth than words.

It is often through silence that we gain and absorb what is 

revealed to us in the most peculiar places.

In silence we can hear the sighs of our hearts and are reminded that our very breath comes from God alone.

If you feel like you haven't heard Him in a while, my hope and trust is that He is surely whispering, "I'm here". His very presence is just that, here with us. 

Emmanuel. 

breaking point

What if when we met people, all we saw was their heart, how would that change the way we relate to those we pass by everyday. How different would the world look?

… breaking point

not sure how to keep going

the days seem to be taking longer

time feels like its irrelevant

winter are you coming or going?

there is no more reason, yet there is every reason

how to stay, when nothings changed in so long

You are so close, yet I'm out of reach

aware of You near, though I admit I ignore You still

sometimes it feels easier to turn away

my face goes numb, my heart grows still

I'd crumble if I heard You say my name

I've tried to give up, but my heart is caught

I can't walk away, I have no where else to go,

but I don't know how to stay anymore

I'm stuck

rolling down a hill, 

people passing by

no one looks up, I'm not wearing the right frame of expectation

wherever I turn, oblivion

I close my eyes  to find I'm still not alone

but I'm not ready to acknowledge that You were there all along

that part must still be coming, 

this story cant be done… 

I ask myself, does my life scream my heart's ache, or does this life scream into my heart? 

I can't answer that right now, but as long as my heart aches for love, freedom and justice…

I'll stay

Obedience of Creation

Relentless is a word we are using a lot these days.

Though its meaning is not necessarily beautifully packaged, with it's harsh connotation. But strangely I kind of like the thought of God's love being a bit "messy", even more so than if it was all sweet and manicured all the time. It gives the impression that His love is strong, it is deep, it is extreme, it is hooked from within, it is constant, it can be inconvenient, it is confronting, but it is necessary. We need it, He knows it, and He won't deny its existence. He Loves us.  

Feel the warmth of the sun. Like the fierceness of God's love. 

We stand amazed at man-made wonders, like the pyramids in Giza and how on earth they got stacked on. Don't get me wrong, it is something to behold! Yet not at the expense of disregarding God's workmanship, which includes PEOPLE. We so easily forget that at His Word and by His voice planets swung into place, mountains emerged from the ground and oceans erupted out of the drains of the earth.

Just listen to the sounds of the waves crashing against the rocks. Beware the sharpness of thunder following the whip of lighting in the sky. Hear the sweet chirping of the birds or the soft meow of a kitten. All these come from His imagination, from His command. Everything we have, everything we create, comes firstly from His hand. We can't bring what we don't have, but out of the "nothingness" He brought forth. It came from within Him. He didn't need something to start something. Everything He has created was in Him. Not like a magician doing magic tricks we can't figure out, but rather like a King who encompasses sovereignty and authority. Out of His Word the earth and universe came forth like obedience to His call… 

where love resides

Who is allowed inside your heart? 

Who has the ability to cause you great pain as well as great joy? 

Have you ever abandoned your own heart? 

Have you ever given up on whats important to you? 

Have you forgotten what it is to believe and to hope? 

To anticipate something wonderful, to wait for something life changing, to trust in a promise given? 

Have you ever deafened your thoughts in sound waves of music? 

Have you ever numbed your fears and feelings to that mute setting in your brain? 

Have you ever cried unexpectedly in the most inconvenient of moments?

Have you ever been told you had a choice, but felt like it didn't apply to you? 

Have you ever felt trapped in the intensity of your own mind?  

Have you ever dismissed what's good in your life to highlight what seems to be wrong? 

Have you ever wanted to dance but have no rhythm? 

Have you ever embarrassed yourself in the presence of no one? 

Have you ever laughed uncontrollably, while everyone else seems to have missed the funny? 

Have you ever been misunderstood? 

Have you ever allowed someone to love you unconditionally? 

Have you ever looked in the mirror and liked what you saw? 

Has a stranger ever smiled at you? 

Have you ever said something you didn't mean?

Do you say thank you when someone compliments you? 

Have you ever reserved negative judgment on someone you barely know? 

Have you ever forgotten to tell someone you liked their top, that they looked pretty, that they have an amazing voice, that they have a great smile, or that you were thinking of them? 

Has anyone ever told you exactly what you were thinking? 

Have you ever had shivers listening to a song? 

Have you ever nearly fallen asleep in a crowded and loud place? 

Have you heard the laugh of everyone you love? 

Have you ever read a book more than once?

Have you ever been wrong and admitted to it? 

Do you find it hard to say sorry? 

Have you ever told a lie? 

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? 

Have you ever heard something your whole life, but now it finally makes sense? 

Have you ever had a great idea, and then completely forgot what it was? 

Have you ever felt the enormity and fierceness of the Eternal One's unreserved love towards you and then within a day felt completely alone? 

Have you ever had a coincidence that changed the course of your life? 

Do you have people in your world that you couldn't live without? 

Have you ever chosen to love when all you could feel was hate?

Have you ever had any regrets? 

Do you live with a sense of purpose?

Are you different now then you were a year ago?  

Have you ever wondered where love came from?

I believe the heart is eternal

Take care of yours and others

Bring meaning to your life by embracing it, allowing yourself to really feel and express love 

Choose to love even when you don't want to, and never stop believing or hoping even when you don't understand why. 

Love can change lives.

So can a smile.

Love the person in front of you

Do you believe there is something your "meant to do" in life? 

Something specifically for you, your God-given purpose?

When did that type of thinking become normal?

Is it just a "western-Christian" way of thinking or is it this generations thing?

Is it good or bad?

I don't know, I'm fluctuating between what I think I believe.

Is it possible that, perhaps, some people have specific callings, and other people can kind of just do what they choose, as long as they do it well? 

Is that unfair? If some people have a purpose, shouldn't everybody?

Or is everybody's purpose to love God and Love people, and then come what may…?

It's a struggle for some. 

For people like me, who have believed for so long in having a dream, that it becomes painful when life is no where near "the dream or purpose". 

How do you live in the everyday without feeling regret or failure? 

Is it a wrong way of thinking, wrong approach to life? Is there another way around it, that has the same outcome, but still enables us to live our 'right now' lives with diligence and reason. 

Its difficult, in our world today, where travel and technology has made the reality of injustice and the hurting feel so close and feel like our responsibility. Its hard to just live life from a distance. You start to feel like maybe you're forgetting about them, or you don't care enough, and thats a hard reality to live with. But living with negativity and doubt isn't helping anyone either. 

Why is it that when we don't know what we're "supposed" to do, we often end up doing nothing instead. 

Is doing nothing better than doing something, with the fear of it being the wrong something? 

Or do lots of somethings lead towards the right "Supposed to".

If I think back, there are only a few times where I had the epiphany I was in the right place at the right time, and that is a great feeling to have. Actually I only ever consciously felt that once in my life. 

But in reality, I feel quite the opposite most of the time. 

Is it possible that maybe, there are a range of things we could do that work towards the "dream", and half the time we actually have no idea how, but that's OK?

I think, whats closer to the truth, is that we need to somehow be able to live with a sense of purpose in our everyday lives, allowing God to be there with us every step of the way, and never forgetting to acknowledge that if it weren't for Him we would be no where. And trusting that even when we feel like we're not doing anything, we can still hold on to Him. 

However you're meant to do that.

I find that in the process of trying to figure out how to live out "my purpose and reason" its easy to forget about Jesus. It often becomes more about "what am I supposed to do in MY life" rather than acknowledging that the future is in God's hands, so instead we should be asking what can we do in our lives to work out his plans and will.

Start by caring for what He cares about most. 

People.

Keep loving people.

Fight for justice. 

Forgive. 

Laugh and cry together. 

Listen to their stories. 

Hear people. 

See people.

Make it about the individual. 

   

  

I think what God cares most about is people, so in whatever capacity we can individually love and care for people we should do it. Including ourselves. Do it with His love, with the Love He's given to us to share through us. And then comes the trust thing… trust that He knows about all the injustice around the world, and is more concerned about it than I am. And then wait for Him to use me, because God uses people to help other people, whilst living my today loving the people around me. 

It always comes back to the basics: Love God, Love people. 

Love the person in front of you. 

Share

I stopped writing for a while. I’m still not sure if I’ll keep writing. But I recognize that when I write, it helps me process more than when I don’t write. But when I write and share, it helps me grow; just a little bit more every time.

For people like me, it’s hard to vocalise thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Though I’m beginning to think that it’s an essential part of being a healthy human being, to have the freedom to express the internal stuff.

Not everything, to everyone, all the time though. But also not nothing, to no one, ever.
Balance. It always comes back to balance.
The balance of life is apparently a fine art that I am far from mastering.

In my heart I’m all about justice. Bringing justice to the people.

In reality right now though, I’m not bringing any justice to anyone. I’m not sure I quite know what that means, or how to even do it. But I know I want to and I know – I think I know – I’ll never stop wanting to.

To be honest, we all believe that injustice needs to be fought against. Many of us believe that God is Just and that He hates injustice more than we do. But it isn’t until something unjust happens to someone too close to our heart that we suddenly begin to question God's involvement. At least I know I tend to, sometimes.

It’s somewhat easy to have grand ideas, when the making of them is still far in the distance. But it’s so much harder to keep them alight in the spheres of reality that we describe as “real life” and “the facts”.

If it’s true that we think however many zillions of words and thoughts per minute... then it’s true that there is so much inside of us that is unidentified. How clever are those people who know which thoughts to reveal by using the perfect words to make others think of them in exactly the way they hope to be seen. But don’t underestimate the thoughts of people that stumble and scramble for words. Words have emotions attached to them. Perhaps, beware of some of those that speak without fault, because in the end you want to hear the heart... and the heart isn’t so easy to hear amongst the noise of digestion.

We are all at fault of wanting to sound a certain way, wanting to be heard by certain people, wanting to express only certain parts of the story. We all have an image to carry and uphold. We all want to be seen and accepted. We all want to be loved. We all want to feel beautiful and smart. We all want to be heard, really truly genuinely heard. But you know what it says... do unto others as you want done to you. In other words, treat people with the respect you expect is indebted to you.

You want to be heard? Learn how to listen first.
You want to be loved? Try always wearing and walking in love.
You want to be given ...? Learn how to give (patience, grace, understanding, forgiveness, chance, second chance, third chance, opportunity, time...)

If right now, your life isn’t what you hoped it’d be yet... then do what makes you feel a little bit more awake or present.

Listen to music, read a book, take a walk, talk to a someone special, think positive, eat food you enjoy, write, bake, go for a run, draw, travel (if you can), give. Be in tune with who you are.  Try and do something that will help you 'come back to life' so to speak. You're important. full stop. You may not always think so. But you are definitely important to someone. That should be enough reason to work on yourself. 

Share yourself (appropriately) in any small way you can right now in your stage of life, and let’s see what comes of it. That’s what I’m going to try.

I guess it’s about making the right transactions. For me, today, that was starting to attempt writing again. 

We’ll see. 

endless pursuit

From my own journey, though it be short, I have come to the conclusion that we should never give up on the pursuit of knowing God, especially when it feels as though nothing makes sense.

Its easy to ignore and turn away from someone you are completely unaware of.

Its easy to turn away from someone you don't know or love.

Its easy still to turn away from someone you've  "miss" - heard of but already don't like.

It gets harder to turn away from someone you know loves you.

But its almost impossible to turn away from someone who's love you have received and to whom you have given love, and still expect to live in peace… 

This is my reality when it comes to Jesus.

Since I have walked with Him, it seems impossible to walk away. Because, it is in the walking with Him that I have learnt what love is, and seen life and people through a perspective I never knew I could reach or had within me. 

Its when I stop consciously walking alongside Him, that I begin to falter on every grain of doubt that makes its way through the channel of reason.

This is a journey I never expected to be so congruously simple and complex… all at the same time.  

There are always so many questions, and hardly any straight answers. 

Is it meant to be this complicated? How can someone be so far along this "journey" and still feel so lost at times?

Why do we seem to believe only what we can see - when there are endless examples of times that we thought we knew because we could see, yet later learnt that it wasn't at all as it seemed. In that case, why is it so hard to believe in the unseen? Maybe, at times, its actually safer to believe in what we can't see rather than what we can… because what is seen is often deceiving but what is unseen, has already been seen by God… 

Like the future, is unseen. 

When your heart and your head (meaning YOU) are in a relationship with the Creator of all things… it is then that life begins to hold meaning. 

And all the uncertainties that whisk past will one day be distant memories, as the reality of God's love evolves within our very being. At the core of our identity.

The struggle between trying to define God, and allowing God to define me feels endless; though there must be a limit. For if time had a start it must also have a finish… What shall we believe? That which I think I can see or Him who is in the unseen and the seen; who is beyond time, but has given time to us. The One who has not detached Himself from us, but has engraved His initials on our hearts - that we may discover as we remove the barriers and bare our souls towards Him. The one who can never be without Love, for He is infinite and His very essence is love. The One who is beyond the very word "Him" or any gender, but in our finiteness we tame and make "sense" of in order to embrace God within our slowly enlarging capacity.  

The longer you stay, the more you know, the more you lose, the more you love.

Trust. Faith. Hope. and of course Love.