Others?

What is success? What defines a successful life? Is it money? Is it physical beauty? Is it our belongings? Is it our status in the hierarchy of fame and power? Is it determined by who we know? Is it happiness? Is it having a close relationship with your family? Is it enjoying what you do for work? Is it knowing that you are not defined by what you do? Is it still loving your husband or wife after several years together? Is it achieving your life's goals?

Since we have allowed social media to basically take over our lives, it feels like the issue of comparison has gone through the roof. There's no more ceiling, its just an endless 'knocking on the head' of reminders that others have it better, others have more, others are happier, others are prettier, others have it together, others are more successful. Others. It's all about the others, but not in the way it should be. This way of obsessing about other people, sadly reflects how selfish we are becoming. All we really care about, is me. Seriously. This is the extreme opposite of being selfless, when everything inside of me is about you and them and everyone. 

I find myself hypocritically divided between loving and hating social media. Though it has potential to connect and make the world smaller, somehow it has ended up dividing people, creating the Gulf of Emptiness. It gives the impression of community and wears the dress of popularity, but it hides the truth of everyday reality and diminishes the importance of investing in deepening relationships that really truly matter. Though it can be used to develop great opportunities and even initiate friendships, tragically, it seems to have dug up and worsened our dirty little insecurities. These lies are now great headlines running across our minds. Our eyes are constantly looking up to see the latest news flash of personal doubt and lack. Our hearts are endlessly 'refreshing' our need of approval. 

Bombarded with images that suddenly become our desires and define our dreams.

I never knew I needed all these things.

I never knew I should think these things.

I never knew I should feel this way.

I never knew I should believe that.

Suddenly, everyone's opinion has become my own. 

We are losing our souls to this slide-show world of "highlights".

We start to falsely believe that we actually know all these amazing people and that we are part of their lives somehow. Surely they must notice our likes and read our comments. Even amongst all the hundreds of others, mine must definitely stand out?! But even if they don't, we desperately long for them to. 

Our desire to be known and noticed by distant strangers we admire, has become more important than our own lives and the real people in it. 

I long for a time when we used to sit around laughing and chatting, not rushing, but listening and learning from each other, keeping eye contact, accepting a friend's embrace, sharing a long meal, playing games by a fireplace, enjoying the silence together, watching a movie without interruptions from a buzzing message, having a conversation without distractions of a lit up screen. The warmth of reality. The simplicity that once was.

Our minds are scattered.

We cannot be in a crowded room with someone, without scanning back and forth, back and forth and then again back and forth, back and forth. Constantly looking away, only to remind ourselves to return back to the moment and stay focused. Engage. Be vulnerable. Be real. Although, it shouldn't be something we need reminding of, it should be our natural instinct. But we just don't want to miss anything thats going on out there. And we fear of what may come from a purposeful conversation. We despise the closeness that could remove a layer of armour and weaken our shield against intimacy. Even though it is our loudest need.

A smile is one of the most beautiful trademarks of a person's face. It can draw you in and make you feel accepted, loved, seen, special. But sometimes our smiles hide what we really feel or mean. A smile should reflect truth. If we are using smiles to keep others at a distance, then we have misunderstood its purpose. If a smile is meant to draw in, why are we using smiles to keep people out (in reference to being in a crowded public place like a party or church)

"I smiled at you from a distance, there is no need to come over and converse. I smiled, you smiled, we held eye contact for a millimoment, quickly observed each other's outfit and acknowledged one another's existence, that is all that's necessary. Well hey, let's keep it civilised. Right? I don't want to end up being trapped in a real conversation. I've got places to go (the bathroom maybe), people to see 

(on instagram probably) and things to do (post a new photo). I don't have time for this nonsense. This so called 'get to know you' business." 

Of course, I'm only exaggerating. Not everyone is a slave to these issues. But honestly, many people are and sometimes, I am. Though there are many positive messages out there too, there are oh so many negative interpretations of well meant sharing of personal lives.

So what does it come down to? 

Is it healthy for me and for my sanity to always be reminding myself of what I don't have or of what I wish I looked like?

Is it good, to feel inadequate in my own skin this often in a day?  

  

Is it beneficial for my future, to believe the daily lies that I am lacking in talent?

What will our future look like, if we continue to listen to the fiction and strive to achieve a false perfect image of success? 

please like me #makeupfree

Perhaps you're thinking, how we respond to social media is our own individual business. If you feel ugly, boring or 

unsuccessful by looking at instagram, then it just highlights something that you need to work out. But don't be a hater just because you're insecure. 

Well. 

Maybe you're right. 

In fact, you probably are.

But, maybe, there's more to it then that. 

The truth is, I know that the complexity of jealousy and comparison will always be with us, with or without the internet. We may conquer a hurdle of self doubt one day, only to gear up again for the next one tomorrow. 

The underlying truth is that we all have a deep rooted need to be loved and liked for who ever we truly are. The only way to receive that kind of love, is to allow people into the "grit and grime" of our honest selves. To open our lives and welcome the possibility of pain, rejection and loss. 

For when we desperately lose our selves in truth, we find life. 

Search for truth and don't give up till it finds you. 

"For whoever wants to save their life, will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? (Matthew 16: 25-26)