This is what I sensed when I asked directions for the way. Thankfulness is the key, to breathe fresh air again and leap into the open field of dreamers.
You'll often hear of people who so positively express, "you need to make the choice to be happy and to let your heart forget". It always sounds so typical, so cliche, so "Christian". I never understood how to simply fake your way through all the wreckage. How can you just be thankful when everything you hoped for has vanished from your grasp? How can you just be positive? How do you make yourself happy? Isn't there another approach we can take, in order to walk right and not collapse? Or will we then forever be waiting, never able to relax?
But my normal isn't working, my mind is still entrapped. Though my soul has been set free, I'm left tangled in my own web.
I want to learn to thank. I need to know how to forgive. Letting go is not my strength. I carry too much of what I've been dealt.
All that I have left, is to step outside my own and thank our King for everything. Even when my heart is cold and my insides feel so alone. Maybe if I thank Him, everyday for everything, I'll see the things I'd usually ignore when I abandoned my thoughts in a selfish mope.
So how does this thanking thing work anyhow? Do we just say it and be done? Uhh "thanks". No seriously. Thank you kindly por favour, I am genuinely much obliged.
Oh but it's got to be so much more than saying nice and polite words. After all, words are only true words when they carry worth that's travelled from somewhere deep inside the heart. Without the heart, words are mere nonsensical letters placed in a strategically deceiving order. But the heart always knows. Words from the heart have lived a life within, before they wandered out with purpose to explore the air and journey on. Words of life are like pockets of seeds and water and sunshine all gathered into one whisper and sprinkled over like gold dust. These words never return void. Nor do the promises of our God once foretold. Only when we know this to be truth and we hold onto it for dear life, only then can we know how to live a life of daily merci.
Perhaps, I should start by thanking Him for what I can obviously see and what I can tangibly feel. Like my husband and my job and my family and my imaginary dog. Maybe then I will begin to believe for a life beyond what the I can see. Yes I meant I. More importantly, maybe then I'll be able to live overwhelmingly devoted to knowing Him rather than to owning what is His.
Dear God, I really do just want to be most uncomfortably close to Thee.
That's all.
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. “The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it. You will live in joy and peace. The mountains and hills will burst into song, and the trees of the field will clap their hands! Where once there were thorns, cypress trees will grow. Where nettles grew, myrtles will sprout up. These events will bring great honor to the LORD’s name; they will be an everlasting sign of his power and love.”
Isaiah 55:8-13 NLT
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