But, God?

“I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous, your handmade sky-jewelry, Moon and stars mounted in their settings. Then I look at my micro-self and wonder, Why do you bother with us? Why take a second look our way?”

Psalm 8:3-4 MSG

Sometimes it really makes me cringe and feel agitated when I hear Christians say things like "God totally answered my prayer, I was looking for a dress exactly like this and He somehow orchestrated all these things in order for me to find the perfect one..." In receiving material things that seem insignificant, I find it difficult to hear people talk like that. Especially when I think about the people who are dying of hunger, or treated inhumanely and completely unjust. It irritates me to no end to hear about 'answered prayers' to things that don't ever compare to the trials others go through, who don't seem to get any sort of helping hand let alone a rescue mission. 

I don't know why it bothers me so much. It makes me feel as though God shows favouritism or that we misinterpret gaining material possessions and comfort as God answered, when it is just so unfair what other people have to struggle through their whole lives. As though they live a forgotten life. 

But I'm a hypocrite because, I long for God to see and answer the wants of my heart. I want to have my own beautiful home one day, where my kids can grow up. I want to be able to go here, travel there and holiday everywhere. And I still always want new shoes or new jeans. I mean, just last weekend I searched a whole day for Italian made leather shoes to no prevail. But finally at the end of the day, at the last shop we almost walked past, I found just what I was looking for. Beautiful handmade Italian leather boots. Seriously? 

Would God change His nature simply because humanity has chosen to wage war on itself, through gossip to terror? Just because we don't uphold to who He is, doesn't mean He will abandon Himself and stoop to our level of doing things. That's why He is called Just and we are not. Although, His Justice might be different to our understanding of it. Is that why we see life as unfair? Because, I might find leather boots I was hoping for but didn't need in order to survive, while someone down the road might be praying for a warm place to sleep but find themselves stuck out on the street?

So why would God give some of us nice material things and let others freeze or starve? Does He actually give us nice things or does he not stop us from choosing to buy nice things? Sometimes I wish He hadn't created us to have free will. Sometimes I wish we were like the rest of Creation, and that we just did what was right; what we were initially intended for. 

Does He not enjoy seeing us enjoy life? After all, He is the One who created it. And if He made flowers and sunsets and beauty in everything, surely He takes great joy in giving nice gifts to His children. Simply because He likes to give. I bet He takes great delight in seeing smiles on our faces. Lighting up our hearts with warmth and love. And in essence there is nothing wrong with seeing God in all good things, because all good things do come from Him. In fact, it's probably quite accurate to thank God about the smallest seemingly minute details. There is great strength in seeing God's hand in every corner of our lives. Knowing that He is close and that He is personal. Personal enough to know about our silly wants. 

But my concern is, what if we interpret that as being God's way of showing love. His only way. And what of the people who are in poverty or isolation or in chains? Does He not show them love? Does he care less for people who live in an unjust, unexplainable, brutal reality? Do they not also deserve comfort and answers to little desire prayers? 

So often I've found that people in real tough situations have more faith and genuinely believe that they really are blessed, than someone like me who very quickly feels abandoned or forgotten by God. Maybe they understand the true depth of what it means to be blessed. To know that God is close, even in the midst of uncertainty. To trust that this will not last forever into Eternity and that God will come through in His time. To believe that no matter the external hardship, it is irrelevant in reference to whether that means God actually cares. I wonder if people like that live more freely, because they are not as trapped by the magnet of possessions. Are we still blessed when we feel lonely? Are we still blessed when we feel forgotten? Are we still blessed when He feels so far away? Can we still say we are blessed when we feel like God never answers our prayers? 

That must be the tension of living in a temporary difficult world, but living for an eternal, all knowing, completely loving, Holy God. 

He knows.

He understands.

I don't. 

So I expect answers. 

And what does He expect from me? Well... That's probably a more resolving question that I find is easier to ignore. 

Still, when I look at the state of the world, I cannot help but feel confused. 

It's just not fair that there are people who barely have their needs met and others who are ruled by the accessories in life.

But God!

But, God?

“My child, listen to what I say, and treasure my commands. Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures. Then you will understand what it means to fear the LORD, and you will gain knowledge of God. For the LORD grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest. He is a shield to those who walk with integrity. He guards the paths of the just and protects those who are faithful to him.”

(Proverbs 2:2-8 NLT)