That Place Beyond

Over the hill of doubt, through the valley of fear, to that place beyond the comfort zone is where I ought to steer. A dream is still a dream when it's far around the bend, reaching, reaching, still reaching... not yet able to quite grab. Like an optical illusion playing games inside my brain. Turning, twisting, wheeling. Testing the limitations of my dubious dauntlessness. Running around and then back. Give up? No, no, start again. Or maybe go this way. Or perhaps try that. And I make it all about the probable failures of my stubborn, hesitant self-lack. My mind lives at the circus! But my heart? My heart is set on other things. Things from a Divine Kingdom of unbelievable worth and immeasurable depth.

Who is the King of your heart? Who is the ruler of your soul? Whose purpose drives your mind, to make decisions of a certain kind? We cannot have two rulers. We cannot serve two Kings. We cannot be wholeheartedly devoted to Him, but also devoted to them. 

I have a constant nudging. Persistently poking at my sides. Some days I hardly notice, but on others I bleed profusely inside. Gushing through every crevice, wrapping around my lungs, until my breath is taken out. I cannot help but fall to my knees in desperation. Heaving under the weight, almost at my own end. 

I'm suffocated by the unimaginative, purposeless 'comfort trap'. I'm fed up with wanting to live only for myself inside this so-called safety net. How can we be safe, in a place where dreams are left for dead. Far away from any risk, avoiding all battles against a fear of the unsaid. Safely tucked inside a prison, wallowing in aimlessness. 

And yet, I love my kitchen and I love my bed. I love the warmth of comfort. I love the blanket of safe keeps. I love the smell of familiarity. I love the sound of sleep. And I love/hate the walls that separate the outside world from being real. I'll quite foolishlyy ignore the fact that I'm hiding in the doorway to the past. Blindly giving in to its undue governance.

Is that really what you want, for it to say upon your grave? "She safely, never did anything. She died still very afraid." Is that really how you want to be remembered? Is that who you want to be? That girl who feared everything and was swallowed by her own choice to live locked away, for free. 

My darling, don't stay here. Step outside all that you've known. Go just beyond the comfort zone, that's where real living is born. Don't give in to a life of regret. Forget about yourself. His Kingdom is bigger than that. Don't say you belong to the One, but then refuse to follow along. This life is not about you. It's not even about me. It's about all of us finding refuge under His shade, like a great big willow tree. Completely awed by His speechless wonder. In reverence of His heavenly faithfulness. Becoming one of the branches, like part of the furniture others don't even see. We're all just playing a very small role on a very very big stage. So don't become a bystander, merely alive to play it safe. The King is beckoning for us. Do you hear the enchanting whispers in the breeze? We are forever welcome into His Holy presence and steadfast love filled adventure. I Am, where we find all the peace we'll ever need to live truly released. 

"Captain"

(Hillsong United)

Through waters uncharted my soul will embark

I'll follow Your voice straight into the dark

And if from the course You intend

I depart

Speak to the sails of my wandering heart

Like the wind

You'll guide

Clear the skies before me

And I'll glide this open sea

Like the stars

Your Word

Will align my voyage

And remind me where I've been

And where I am going

Lost in the shallows amidst fear and fog

Your truth is the compass that points me back north

Jesus

My Captain

My soul's trusted Lord

All my allegiance is rightfully Yours

Like the wind

You'll guide

Clear the skies before me

And I'll glide this open sea

Like the stars

Your Word

Will align my voyage

And remind me where I've been

And where I am going

Like the wind

You'll guide

Clear the skies before me

And I'll glide this open sea

Like the stars

Your Word

Will align my voyage

And remind me where I've been

And where I am going

Jesus

My Captain

My soul's trusted Lord

All my allegiance is rightfully Yours