Sunday, 14 December 2014

enemies and demons

 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
Proverbs 18: 21

We are our own worst enemy
I am my own demon
At times my self-talk is utterly degrading
Is yours?
But we would never dare speak that way to anyone else.
What no one else can hear, no one will know, right?

Oh but they do!
They can see it in your troubled brow
and in your battered stance.
As your shoulders slump into defeat;
you're tense
and the gaze of your eyes are steep.
Your face speaks.
It whimpers of the self abuse,
as does your whole demeanour.
Your heart is constantly kicked and bruised.

You don't feel like your original self any longer.
You allowed those words to tear your little dark corner into a galaxy
Completely transfixed
Controlling every thought and every move
Hypnotised and mesmerised.

You don't even fight it.

If only they could hear what you could hear
If only you could.


"At least if I were terminally ill, it would give me an excuse to be sitting at home all day"
"I don't talk the right way to have the friends I want"
"I wonder if there is anyone you could pay, to help you go in a nice pain-free way?"
"I'm not handsome enough, so I'll never get the opportunity"
"I know he shouldn't be with me, but I wouldn't survive without him"
"I feel like a waste of space"
"You're still too insecure"
"You literally have no skills"
"There is not one thing you are good at"
"You don't belong here, you will never fit in"
"You're boring"
"People only think you're pretty, but they don't want to talk to you"
"No one finds you interesting"
"When you smile it makes you look weak"
"Your voice is so annoying to listen to"
"I have nothing good to offer anybody"
"I'm never going to change"
(please note: these are not all mine)

I hope that doesn't sound familiar to you, but I fear that it may be an all too commonly conniving voice in our heads.  Like that little devil who sits cynically on your shoulder. 
Is your self talk a bully too sometimes?

Words are influential
They carry so much strength and can completely control a person:
Their behaviour, confidence and worth.
Words can leave you feeling courageous and brave
or they can leave you feeling like a total failure. 
Words are like a remote control.
But instead of simply directing you which way to go,
they push deeper.
Piercing into the root of your soul, right where your delicately framed identity is forming.
There are some words that will convict you wrongly,
yet they can leave you imprisoned within the cages set up in your mind.
Sometimes you don't even remember your own alibi.
Suddenly you find yourself doing time.

Thought-words are the most dangerous, most destructive and the most painful of weapons.
They attack quietly when you least expect it
Not obvious at all
Almost unthreatening.
They grow slowly but their roots travel far below the surface
Unseen for years
Festering until it's uncontainable
Ugly and suffocating

The danger comes worst when you somehow believe that those thoughts and words were not your choice. 
As though they're facts that leave you helpless.
When you are unaware of the chains, you are most at risk.

But there is another way, 
you can live free.
What thoughts will you give authority?
Evil finds its edge through secrecy,
Expose the dark days self-talk
In the light, name it for what it really is, "a cowardly liar"
then just shrug it off and be on His Way... 

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