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I stopped writing for a while. I’m still not sure if I’ll keep writing. But I recognize that when I write, it helps me process more than when I don’t write. But when I write and share, it helps me grow; just a little bit more every time.

For people like me, it’s hard to vocalise thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Though I’m beginning to think that it’s an essential part of being a healthy human being, to have the freedom to express the internal stuff.

Not everything, to everyone, all the time though. But also not nothing, to no one, ever.
Balance. It always comes back to balance.
The balance of life is apparently a fine art that I am far from mastering.

In my heart I’m all about justice. Bringing justice to the people.

In reality right now though, I’m not bringing any justice to anyone. I’m not sure I quite know what that means, or how to even do it. But I know I want to and I know – I think I know – I’ll never stop wanting to.

To be honest, we all believe that injustice needs to be fought against. Many of us believe that God is Just and that He hates injustice more than we do. But it isn’t until something unjust happens to someone too close to our heart that we suddenly begin to question God's involvement. At least I know I tend to, sometimes.

It’s somewhat easy to have grand ideas, when the making of them is still far in the distance. But it’s so much harder to keep them alight in the spheres of reality that we describe as “real life” and “the facts”.

If it’s true that we think however many zillions of words and thoughts per minute... then it’s true that there is so much inside of us that is unidentified. How clever are those people who know which thoughts to reveal by using the perfect words to make others think of them in exactly the way they hope to be seen. But don’t underestimate the thoughts of people that stumble and scramble for words. Words have emotions attached to them. Perhaps, beware of some of those that speak without fault, because in the end you want to hear the heart... and the heart isn’t so easy to hear amongst the noise of digestion.

We are all at fault of wanting to sound a certain way, wanting to be heard by certain people, wanting to express only certain parts of the story. We all have an image to carry and uphold. We all want to be seen and accepted. We all want to be loved. We all want to feel beautiful and smart. We all want to be heard, really truly genuinely heard. But you know what it says... do unto others as you want done to you. In other words, treat people with the respect you expect is indebted to you.

You want to be heard? Learn how to listen first.
You want to be loved? Try always wearing and walking in love.
You want to be given ...? Learn how to give (patience, grace, understanding, forgiveness, chance, second chance, third chance, opportunity, time...)

If right now, your life isn’t what you hoped it’d be yet... then do what makes you feel a little bit more awake or present.

Listen to music, read a book, take a walk, talk to a someone special, think positive, eat food you enjoy, write, bake, go for a run, draw, travel (if you can), give. Be in tune with who you are.  Try and do something that will help you 'come back to life' so to speak. You're important. full stop. You may not always think so. But you are definitely important to someone. That should be enough reason to work on yourself. 

Share yourself (appropriately) in any small way you can right now in your stage of life, and let’s see what comes of it. That’s what I’m going to try.

I guess it’s about making the right transactions. For me, today, that was starting to attempt writing again. 

We’ll see.