My Dadi

My dadi was a hero. She was brave, strong, resilient and kind. She had the most beautiful smile that spoke of her endurance in life. She had the softest most intricate hands, that revealed all the hardship she had dug through to survive. She had the most loving eyes, that told of deep pain she had carried a long while.

Though our words between were few, as language tried to draw a line. But love could not be held or mute. Love made a bridge, that freedom paved. And we knew she had lived her life for us. She saw a future better than her past. She broke down boundaries and exceeded all expectation of a circumstantial solo mum, in a poverty stricken life, for many years to come. She sacrificed and took risks in a land ruled by men. Against all odds, she sent her son to school, even though she would never learn to read or write. If it had not been for her great life, I would not even breathe here today. Oh how I wish to have had another chance, to give my dadi one last hug, hold her hand and say all the things you wish you could say to someone you admire so deeply and will always love. My dadi is proof, that God can use a little life to do something of immeasurable magnitude.

There are people in our past, who have sacrificed their own, for a future beyond themselves. Our lives are building a family tree. Hold onto those roots, don't live life as a self-sufficient branch. 

Judge Jury

As human beings, there is something engrained in us that wants to have rules and guidelines to follow, as well as a strong will to break them. There is a part of me that is learning to let go of preconceived ideas of what is right or wrong. I'm beginning to think that we've got a lot of things mistaken as being prerequisites when really they may just be a minor hunch in our ideal framework. We like to have a reason to point the finger about something that doesn't seem normal or how it's meant to be. We like to have boundaries that help us work out how things are supposed to be. We hate being in that position of not knowing what to do or think or believe. If someone would just tell us and make it black and white, it'd be so much more simple. Apparently. But that's not actually true. We really do want the free will to choose.

On one hand, we are continuously trying to convince ourselves and others that our physical bodies are just that, a body. Flesh. Just a casing for our soul, our spirit. That we should focus on what is internal and not put such emphasis and worry into our physical image. We try and teach young girls that they are all unique and beautiful in their own way, because of who they are on the inside. That it's more important to be thoughtful and caring and use our brains, than it is to put such torturous hours into our looks. Our outward appearance. Comparing ourselves to other girls who we believe are more beautiful, skinnier, have longer legs, thicker hair and clearer skin. We try and help young boys understand that their worth doesn't lie in whether they are sporty, tall, muscular, charismatic born leaders. We believe they need to know that it's ok to show emotion and that physical strength doesn't define a man. 

And yet, when it comes to people who we believe are confused, suddenly the outward appearance, how they dress and carry themselves is worth going to war for. 

I'm left confused and my heart is stirred. Are we missing the point? Would Jesus not be more concerned about whether we love people and are caring for the poor and those in need? Are we worshipping Him and not putting our own selfish desires as idols before Him? Are we allowing people to see His heart towards them, through our eyes and our countenance. Giving others the grace to be true to themselves in their own way, just as we want others to give us the freedom to be real in our own way. 

Are we overly concerned about issues, that in the scheme of Eternity, will be minute? Are we so caught up about insignificant debates that it precedes our loving and forgiving people as Jesus has done for us? Are we forgetting that this world and our lives on earth are fleeting in the wind. Here today, gone tomorrow. 

Are we judging and regulating, instead of loving and understanding? Are we trying to make sense of things that are outside of our realm of knowledge or control. Shouldn't we just let God be God, and leave behind judgement for Faith in His Sovereinty, Goodness and Justice?

Identity Theft

Do you have that thing that overtakes who you are? Like it completely hijacks your thoughts and convictions. It's often referred to as an addiction, obsession or idol. I like to think of it as an Identity Theft. It can be something you think you need, to something that totally controls your very being. For me, at times, it's window shopping gone horribly wrong. But it always starts so harmlessly calm. A mere passer by, thoughts elsewhere. And suddenly...

SALE!!! 

Are clothes and shoes my obsession?

Sometimes.

I confess that I find great comfort in buying new boots.

I live for the rush of getting a pair of new jeans.

And if it's not clothes, it's products. I'm incessantly searching for a new natural organic skincare brand I haven't tried yet. 

(That one's not so bad!)

Does she have a problem, one may ask.

It's hard to admit to such an embarrassing concern. On the other hand, it's something that can remain somewhat untrue as long as it's unspoken. Right?? I wish I could keep it like that. Because then I can continue forming excuses and rationalising my need for this and this oh and this. 

Wait, what? Are you saying you don't enjoy new things? Oh! but you don't need them? 

When it starts to overtake your time, your thoughts and dominates in importance beyond all else. When it affects your emotions and begins to somehow define your true self...

My God, could this be an invasion? Yes an invasion of privacy. Mind your own business. 

Ok, but for real?

Sometimes, shopping is my Identity Theft. 

What's yours?

I am, of course, exaggerating. A little. Maybe. Not at all. Ugh. 

                                 (Continued below)

But all jokes aside, it actually is and can be a real struggle. And I think this is a true story for more people out there than we realise. The thing that bothers me most is how much

consumerism is a serious, but somewhat acceptable, problem in our society and how easily advertising works (on me at least). 

It's like you give up on everything you chose to stand for and believe in, the minute it comes up against your personal wants. It's naked selfishness and vanity camouflaged in pretty dresses and high-heels. 

But at the end of a long day, no matter the theft, the underlying question is the same in all cases:

In what or in whom does my identity lie and to what extent am I willing to sacrifice myselfish, in order to uplift those who really matter towards the One who matters most?

I've heard it said, that the more you say no, the easier it gets.

Im definitely not instigating that shopping is wrong. All I'm suggesting is, if it (or whatever your thing is) has become more important than other real important things, then maybe just check yourself. It could be an indicator of how your heart is doing. 

Or, maybe it's just me. 

“God be merciful and gracious to us and bless us and cause His face to shine upon us and among us–Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!– That Your way may be known upon earth, Your saving power (Your deliverances and Your salvation) among all nations. Let the peoples praise You [turn away from their idols] and give thanks to You, O God; let all the peoples praise and give thanks to You.”

Psalm 67:1-3 (AMP)

Father of Light

It's fascinating how recklessly we defend ourselves before God, forever asking all the vexing why's in our head. Why to this personal injustice in my life. Why to this waiting on nothing till no end. Why to this constant anxiety I can't shake off. Why to this whole list of things that don't belong. 

For if He were to physically stand fully before us, without any sort of protection transpired, would we continue to daringly wonder? Would we be able to steadily respire? 

It seems to be, that in His mysterious love, as He holds our hearts so delicately intact, we lose sight of the One in whose arms we are kept. And we think we see more than we really know. So we chase after a beauty that we never quite catch, the kind that's been masquerading in the human trap. Where we long for the days of no wrinkles or material lack. And we pay our way forward through all the right paths. We choose our own choices, we follow the steps. And somewhere we forget that He's our Heavenly Dad. 

Though we sing of His Sovereignty, though we pray in His Honour, though we worship His Holiness, though we rest in His Armour. Still we live in our pride and we think in our time and we fail all the while, to acknowledge the One we most desperately desire.

No, the Author of Life has never left our beside. But is ever revealing the true story Divine. In His beautiful smile and empowering eyes, leading the way. 

This, our Father of Light. 

“In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land. Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker; for he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care. Today, if only you would hear his voice,” Psalm 95:4-7 NIV

My Evergreen

One more year past, many more to follow. You are wiser and kinder and better than I could have imagined, before you chose to marry me. Why me. I'm still in disbelief.

But I'm thankful every day, to have a man like you for keeps. A true man. And seriously so adorable too. You live sacrifice from morning till night, you exhale care daily, you speak to me only and always in love, you breed utter loyalty. On one hand I wish others could see you as I do, on the other, I'm so glad no one knows you the way that I know is true. Do you feel how special you really are? And not just to me. You're always helping others step forward, always keeping the main thing the main thing, always believing the best in a situation. You work harder than anyone I know. You rarely, or ever, complain. If your life was a seed, it'd grow up to be a fruit tree, forever in season. Or an evergreen granting people shade. You are my evergreen. You keep me grounded and make me feel secure. Without you I'd be running water, escaping past the banks, down the drain into a shallow stream. Chaos would quite possibly follow me. But you help me stop and breathe. Channeling the truth from my real. 

Did Jesus dare you to be with me?

You are brave. You are a man to know. I love you, forevermore. 

Happy Birthday to my only best husband in the world. 1978 was a celebrated time in space. 

Follow Me

Follow Me, He said with a smile. There was trust in His eyes, love shone through every gaze, His hand stretched out as if to rescue me from a cliff. There was a seriousness in His brow, of concern and deep pain. I sensed He knew a secret, that none of us ever claimed. But He kept us in His strength, as He taught and showed the Father's Way. There were days He loved strangers to such extremities, we would worry about how to stay sane. "This is just too much, Jesus, you need to get some space." But His heart was in constant focus, as though completely transfixed on one thing. People. There were always more people. People to see and to hear and to lift up. He always saw the ones, that others would ignore or turn away. Jesus never grew weary in doing good. 

His prayers were perpetually sent. Some were uttered in whispers, others sounded emotionally spent. But He never missed a day. Nor was there ever a moment He forgot to give Abba thanks. "You can always ask of the Father", He'd tell us with great confidence. 

And somehow, He always knew the right words to share. The kind of words that healed bodies and hearts every single step of the way. Thus, rumours spread of His journey; of the man who breathes life into dead bones. As we followed in His footsteps, the story somehow wasn't whole. There was a time still coming, when we would surely know. But this only occurred to us after the missing pieces were finally shown.

So we couldn't have really known.

There was always something about Jesus, being near Him brought great peace. I felt kinder and wiser than I'd ever been before. Before He held out His hand and invited me upon the shore. There was never a time in His presence, where I felt out of place or scorned. Instead I felt such comfort, like there was anything I could have said and done. He assured me I was accepted and His words never ran dry nor cold. The closer I walked beside Him, the more my insides filled to the brim. Full of all things good, that produced fruit for others to know. To know Him, I later understood.

  

Will we follow Him to the grave? The one He paved as our escape. He lead the way, through Himself. True life awaits in His embrace. But there must be a death, unlike how we expect. There is no need to fear any shadowed underworld. If we but lay ourselves down, as in, our selfishness and pride, somehow our hearts will mend and Love will produce unceasing life through our soul. 

Will you follow the One, who lived a life here on our Earth. He kneeled into the dust and gathered all our tears and troubles unto Himself.

"But for many of us, life is just not that bad. To need a Saviour seems absurd. Redeemed from what? I'm fine, you're the one who looks unwell."

The only thing I wonder then, is what a shame it is, to be given a chance to know someone so lovely, kind, and good but choose not to enrich our lives because of the failure of some folks. Humans who bashed and yelled and made us feel so horrible. Pressed into guilt instead of given the freedom to see His truth unfold. Not at all the way I imagine, Jesus would ever reveal the story of God's Grace and the heavy price that He desperately sowed. Wouldn't you want to know, the greatest love that's ever been known? The kind of love that can heal the world. If we all allowed it to come even closer than ever before.

“The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

John 1:9-12, 14 NIV

Guilt Spilt

For someone who has been eternally freed, but still hides behind a darkened door.

For someone who has been completely pardoned and made whole, but still feels crushed by the weight of their old world. 

Guilt has a way of keeping you from all that can be good in your life. 

Guilt is a mind-trap.

So powerful, in fact, that it can make you feel physically paralysed. 

Guilt will make you live condemned. 

Like a total failure. In constant regret. 

Giving up, before you've begun. 

Guilt will never encourage you to keep going strong. 

It'll never cheer you on, "You can do it! I believe in you!"

And it will never ever suggest that you're doing better than you once were.

But the voice of Truth will say, "Tomorrow is a new day. You can trust again. Just look up once more, to the One who loves you so. Never give up today. Hope is here to stay. Just step a little closer, Love will guide your way..."