Utmost Earnestness

I am constantly plagued by the passing of time.

The nearing of the end.

The ticking away of hours turning into years.

Mostly washed away, never taken back.

The closer I get to thirty,

the farther I feel to have missed my place.

Thirty used to feel so far out of reach.

Way up high, an aspiring age to build towards.

And once I'd get there, I imagined to have something worthwhile to show.

Surely, I wouldn't still be where I have always been.

Or so I dreamily thought...

Yet here we are, a mere few months away from the big ol' dirty thirties. 

Oh, time must have played a trick on me!

I always thought to have more secret minutes, kept hidden safely up my sleeve.

Treasured, well protected, never spent superfluously.

I sense this will be one of those sweet lessons to learn. One that can only be shared, as a wiser old woman, some day. 

But I already know, that many won't even hear past the grey.

They'll just smile in respect,

and stop by for a warm embrace.

Don't you know, everyone needs the freedom to live their life full of wonderful mistakes.

And most importantly of all, everyone needs to know, that time's end is not somewhere far off in space.

So wrap the time you have left in tiny boxes and some lace,

and whisk it off to people, who deserve to have a taste,

of what its like to be seen, and to be heard, and to be known. 

Let's spend the precious time we have, on people near and far. For they are the only true investment that will reach beyond the stars. 

Use time by way of really getting to know people; always valueing and helping out. I believe that's when time is at its very best. So don't think of sitting down to share a meal with a loved one, having a coffee with an acquaintance, or stopping for a moment to share time with a stranger, as a break between importance. 

The ones with the beating hearts and the searching souls are of Utmost Earnestness.

Do we think everyone is important? I mean, I know we think some people are definitely more important than others. But do we think that everyone is a little, tiny bit important? If we all really honestly lived like that, I think many things in the world would change. 

Is everyone a little bit important? 

The amount of time we give to people, indicates how much we value their importance. I hope that we have enough courage to give some people, at the very least, a few minutes and others, of course, our whole lives. 

But no one should be left with none at all. 

Childhood

Childhood. A space in time where the heaviness of life, that is yet to come, is completely irrelevant. A happy and safe place, or so it should be. When imagination and asking questions is encouraged and envied. Always learning something new, always ready to laugh yourself silly, always moving forward, but still living in the present moment. When did we stop growing and living like children? Do we really know better as adults? 

Living childlike is different to being childish. 

Childlike is all the positiveness of being young and impressionable, seeing the best in people, completely trusting, forgiving easily, trying to be understanding, leaving the past behind, having a resilience to getting hurt, willingness to engage with anyone (no matter the history or social status), believing in the impossible and daring to dream. 

Childish? We all know what that is. Selfishness, jealousy, impatience, unnecessary mood-swings when things don't go our way or when we're hungry or tired, acting irrationally, saying what we know we shouldn't, causing little battles for the sake of it or for gaining the desired attention. Basically just being ridiculous... Even though it's always for a deeper, unsaid reason. 

Most of us grow out of the childlike phase far too quickly, but for some reason hold on to part of our childish games. Why is that? 

Sometimes it's hard to take responsibility over our actions, like when we need to say sorry or ask for forgiveness. And it's almost always painful to admit when we're wrong. But the people who are able to let go easily, are the ones who move forward more creditably. 

I often dwell on that time, before things shifted from childlike to suddenly living according to what others think. Now we're constantly battling pride and insecurity rather than breathing out a fresh zest for everyday moments. 

From where I'm standing, one thing is for sure, in that the best place to live is close to the heartbeat of home. 

Our true Home where all heart's belong. May we always journey back in order to move forward, in the way life intended to be lived. Through the trusting eyes of a child, safe in the arms of the one and only, ever-loving Heavenly Father. Our good and true God. 

“I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You’ll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind." (Luke 6:35-36 MSG)

Kindness is so underrated. 

The Kind One

Loneliness.

It's like the family member you never speak of, but in reality is the one in whose company you most keep.

The skeleton in the closet. 

Only allowed out in solitude. 

The friend that never leaves you alone. 

Constant nagging for your attention.

Dropping by uninvited. 

Always there when you're on your own. 

Forever and always true, some sadly conform to. 

You can depend on it to stay, if you wish it.

And even though you don't, when you look back, there it lays.

Loneliness. 

It's sure to instill unwanted conviction.

Sadness, self-pity, spite?

It may even take you to a place in your mind

That you wouldn't dare dream.

Death? No I've never been.

Don't you see the undue scheme?

Do you really want to live within the boundaries of something that cannot breathe?

I've stared loneliness in the face

As clear as my own reflection 

Deep inside a mirror. 

It's real. 

You can't deny it 

Or simply wish it away like fluff. 

Disguised in your pretty smile. 

Hiding in your good lies. 

So how do you rid yourself, from this stupendous vile?

You can build your armour stronger. 

Flex the muscles in your brain. 

You can exercise endorphins. 

You can laugh in the presence of pain. 

And even spin around in the free-space of Grace.

I stared loneliness in the face.

Behind bars, is where it preys.

Though I am free to leave it far, 

beyond the walls of my untamed heart.

But I'm you're friend!

Remember me?

We met at the corner on Dark Street. 

I'm the one who lets you lead.

Oh please wont you marry me?

Don't be fooled by empty promises. 

For it can't live outside a being. 

It actually needs you to survive

In order to make a debut season.

Do you really want to give in

To the one who'll take control

Of your unreserved given life?

So don't believe the voice of treason.

It speaks only in tongues of lies.

Thus, listen to the One who lays beside you when you cry.

Whisperings of the Kind One.

Whose tears are stained with the blood of Life.

His ways are higher than mine and they always lead to more Love.

Lifeblood

"Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight,

At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more,

When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death,

And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again." C.S.Lewis (The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe) 

When Messiah enters into our lives, He not only swells inside our hearts but it's His blood that pumps immortality through our veins giving us the promise of new life, after. It changes the course of our destiny. As we draw nearer to His reality and offer up our baggage of pain, fear, guilt, insecurity or shame, as soon as we've let go it turns to dust that's never been. And we can fly through many skies. Past worlds of all sorts, over the highest mountains, through the blackest valleys, even swim under the weight of the deepest seas. With the Prince of Peace by our side. He is Love. In Him there is no darkness. He will forever grant rest for our soul. In this World that makes no sense. Where Evil has dangerous control. We need His hope to guide us through to, what feels is, the distant end. Where it may seize no more. When The Lifeblood will breathe us home. All we must do is believe. 

Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD. (Psalms 27:14 NLT)

Silver Lining

The gift of Grace doesn't make sense until it has been received. Even then, we are left to wonder why...

Though when we encounter rough-seas and are gripped with the panic of drowning, we can forget the time He first entered into our heart. In complete awe of forgiveness that swept in, like a cool breeze filtering out the stuffy dead air in an old abandoned cottage. All at once, everything came to life! The flowers in the yard began to bloom, the birds on the windowsill started chirping once more. Singing songs of love and basking in joy. It was as though you'd stepped into the pages of a storybook. All this time, freedom was available to you but the prison of darkness and neglect held you inside those treacherous walls. Pining desperately for air, scratching your nails into the dirt, hastily searching for your own way out. Scrambling like a beggar in the sand, giving it all you have but still holding on much too tight. In order to be released, you need to be able to relieve the clutches of what isn't truth to puppeteer your life.

And when you chose to stop running only for a moment, Redeemer came rushing straight into your love. 

Years later, as you have grown and matured and that fresh smell of new life has rubbed off along the way. When things are no longer rose tinted and the sun doesn't glimmer as brightly as you remembered. When everything in your world feels amiss. This is when you need that silver lining to gleam in. The hope to see beyond the pain you feel. Reassured that your journey is going to steer the right way and everything is still going to be ok. For He promised to hold you forever and a day, when you said yes, as He bled your case.

There's always more that He knows, than what we can see. Isn't life bigger than us all? We sometimes forget that the World has been spinning for a long long time. The World is big, our God who holds it is even bigger. 

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NLT)

Through Unnamed Woods

As the music was pulsating, lights were glaring and the people were singing aloud, I suddenly felt this stillness set upon me. Like falling peace right there, where we met. I asked my God, “Do You hear all this music or do You just listen to our hearts?”

Then we sang "Captain" and it was hard to voice some of the lyrics. I had to ask myself, do I really want to utter words I don’t always mean in my heart? Because... He can hear my real thoughts. Because... He knows the real struggle. And yet still I sang and meant it as far as I could grasp. Because... I wanted to, deep down I knew I would. Maybe that’s what He can see, so He listens and never deceives. 

When you strive to see through a dark place, with your own eyes, you may desensitise your other senses that could actually help you move forward. Since you’re just focusing on one thing. That is, to forcefully see through what you can’t see or understand on your own.

When we sing that line, “I’ll follow your voice straight into the dark” do we understand the weight of those words? In order to follow His voice, we need to be still and listen so that we might hear where we need to go or what we need to know. But if we’re striving, if we’re struggling, won't we likely drown out His voice and end up lost?

When you strive, your mind is screaming and every thought is followed by several exclamation marks. 

But when we stop to listen and use our other senses, we might actually begin to see clearer and know better where to go. Trusting that He is leading us through the unnamed woods.

But still, it’s hard. 
To trust in a dark place. 
A place filled with uncertainty. 
A place of great unknown. 
It seems so desolate, we feel forlorn
In this space, do we stand alone?
And as we wait in stillness,
We yearn to see a flicker in the distance,
Or hear the sound of a rock that hits against the wall,
Beckoning in the right direction,
Promising that we won’t fall.
Then time stands still,
Or so it feels.
When nothing happens,
Our faith one may steal?
So arms start flying,
Punching in the wind,
Hearts racing in desperation,
It’s Fear.
Misleading us astray,
But wait, this is not Love’s way.
Love holds us dear, 
So tightly knit,
Disentangling our chains, 
Silencing the chaos.

Exposing light from deep within.
We slowly breathe again and start reminiscing of Truth that will lead the way.

But still, it's hard. 

And that's ok. 

 

Men.

When a man is in love, he is wholeheartedly all in and means it with his very inmost, fragile being. From deep down in his gut, tucked safely hidden within. 

At times he won't let you in to all his thoughts and unsure feelings. Not because he wouldn't want to, sometimes he just needs time to learn the best way how to. 

If he loves you now and he says it everyday, he shows it in his doing and his eyes reflect its truth. Believe it that he really, certainly, always, definitely will. 

So don't waste away that security, don't lose that special bond, don't take his heart for granted, don't leave it out to rot. 

Though men are strong, their hearts are weak. They may show the expected exterior, but their internal is unique. 

Don't put him in a box, don't stuff him in a mold, don't judge him through a mood, don't make him mend your soul. Don't pressure him to be, at the pace you expected to see. Just love him where he is, love him wholly to the core. Though he is brave, he needs your armour. Though protecting you is in his design, he depends on finding home always nestled where you breathe. And home should be a treasured space of acceptance, comfort and warmth. A place to lay your head down and completely, perfectly entrust. 

"Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach; good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest. Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose. Find a good spouse, you find a good life— and even more: the favor of GOD!" 

(Proverbs 18:20-22 MSG)