My Dadi

My dadi was a hero. She was brave, strong, resilient and kind. She had the most beautiful smile that spoke of her endurance in life. She had the softest most intricate hands, that revealed all the hardship she had dug through to survive. She had the most loving eyes, that told of deep pain she had carried a long while.

Though our words between were few, as language tried to draw a line. But love could not be held or mute. Love made a bridge, that freedom paved. And we knew she had lived her life for us. She saw a future better than her past. She broke down boundaries and exceeded all expectation of a circumstantial solo mum, in a poverty stricken life, for many years to come. She sacrificed and took risks in a land ruled by men. Against all odds, she sent her son to school, even though she would never learn to read or write. If it had not been for her great life, I would not even breathe here today. Oh how I wish to have had another chance, to give my dadi one last hug, hold her hand and say all the things you wish you could say to someone you admire so deeply and will always love. My dadi is proof, that God can use a little life to do something of immeasurable magnitude.

There are people in our past, who have sacrificed their own, for a future beyond themselves. Our lives are building a family tree. Hold onto those roots, don't live life as a self-sufficient branch. 

Judge Jury

As human beings, there is something engrained in us that wants to have rules and guidelines to follow, as well as a strong will to break them. There is a part of me that is learning to let go of preconceived ideas of what is right or wrong. I'm beginning to think that we've got a lot of things mistaken as being prerequisites when really they may just be a minor hunch in our ideal framework. We like to have a reason to point the finger about something that doesn't seem normal or how it's meant to be. We like to have boundaries that help us work out how things are supposed to be. We hate being in that position of not knowing what to do or think or believe. If someone would just tell us and make it black and white, it'd be so much more simple. Apparently. But that's not actually true. We really do want the free will to choose.

On one hand, we are continuously trying to convince ourselves and others that our physical bodies are just that, a body. Flesh. Just a casing for our soul, our spirit. That we should focus on what is internal and not put such emphasis and worry into our physical image. We try and teach young girls that they are all unique and beautiful in their own way, because of who they are on the inside. That it's more important to be thoughtful and caring and use our brains, than it is to put such torturous hours into our looks. Our outward appearance. Comparing ourselves to other girls who we believe are more beautiful, skinnier, have longer legs, thicker hair and clearer skin. We try and help young boys understand that their worth doesn't lie in whether they are sporty, tall, muscular, charismatic born leaders. We believe they need to know that it's ok to show emotion and that physical strength doesn't define a man. 

And yet, when it comes to people who we believe are confused, suddenly the outward appearance, how they dress and carry themselves is worth going to war for. 

I'm left confused and my heart is stirred. Are we missing the point? Would Jesus not be more concerned about whether we love people and are caring for the poor and those in need? Are we worshipping Him and not putting our own selfish desires as idols before Him? Are we allowing people to see His heart towards them, through our eyes and our countenance. Giving others the grace to be true to themselves in their own way, just as we want others to give us the freedom to be real in our own way. 

Are we overly concerned about issues, that in the scheme of Eternity, will be minute? Are we so caught up about insignificant debates that it precedes our loving and forgiving people as Jesus has done for us? Are we forgetting that this world and our lives on earth are fleeting in the wind. Here today, gone tomorrow. 

Are we judging and regulating, instead of loving and understanding? Are we trying to make sense of things that are outside of our realm of knowledge or control. Shouldn't we just let God be God, and leave behind judgement for Faith in His Sovereinty, Goodness and Justice?

Identity Theft

Do you have that thing that overtakes who you are? Like it completely hijacks your thoughts and convictions. It's often referred to as an addiction, obsession or idol. I like to think of it as an Identity Theft. It can be something you think you need, to something that totally controls your very being. For me, at times, it's window shopping gone horribly wrong. But it always starts so harmlessly calm. A mere passer by, thoughts elsewhere. And suddenly...

SALE!!! 

Are clothes and shoes my obsession?

Sometimes.

I confess that I find great comfort in buying new boots.

I live for the rush of getting a pair of new jeans.

And if it's not clothes, it's products. I'm incessantly searching for a new natural organic skincare brand I haven't tried yet. 

(That one's not so bad!)

Does she have a problem, one may ask.

It's hard to admit to such an embarrassing concern. On the other hand, it's something that can remain somewhat untrue as long as it's unspoken. Right?? I wish I could keep it like that. Because then I can continue forming excuses and rationalising my need for this and this oh and this. 

Wait, what? Are you saying you don't enjoy new things? Oh! but you don't need them? 

When it starts to overtake your time, your thoughts and dominates in importance beyond all else. When it affects your emotions and begins to somehow define your true self...

My God, could this be an invasion? Yes an invasion of privacy. Mind your own business. 

Ok, but for real?

Sometimes, shopping is my Identity Theft. 

What's yours?

I am, of course, exaggerating. A little. Maybe. Not at all. Ugh. 

                                 (Continued below)

But all jokes aside, it actually is and can be a real struggle. And I think this is a true story for more people out there than we realise. The thing that bothers me most is how much

consumerism is a serious, but somewhat acceptable, problem in our society and how easily advertising works (on me at least). 

It's like you give up on everything you chose to stand for and believe in, the minute it comes up against your personal wants. It's naked selfishness and vanity camouflaged in pretty dresses and high-heels. 

But at the end of a long day, no matter the theft, the underlying question is the same in all cases:

In what or in whom does my identity lie and to what extent am I willing to sacrifice myselfish, in order to uplift those who really matter towards the One who matters most?

I've heard it said, that the more you say no, the easier it gets.

Im definitely not instigating that shopping is wrong. All I'm suggesting is, if it (or whatever your thing is) has become more important than other real important things, then maybe just check yourself. It could be an indicator of how your heart is doing. 

Or, maybe it's just me. 

“God be merciful and gracious to us and bless us and cause His face to shine upon us and among us–Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!– That Your way may be known upon earth, Your saving power (Your deliverances and Your salvation) among all nations. Let the peoples praise You [turn away from their idols] and give thanks to You, O God; let all the peoples praise and give thanks to You.”

Psalm 67:1-3 (AMP)